A Most Illustrious Occasion of Words
in the Noble Voice of Master Thistlewhomp,
an Occasional Philosofickle

Good morning to all in this fine congratulation,
I stand here in humble and utter admiration,
To profess with my chest (and a smidge of digest),
The glories of life and its imminent infest.

For youth is but fleeting—a vapored illusion,
While aging, dear friends, is a grand evolution!
Each wrinkle’s a badge, each groan an applause,
Each hobble a symbol of gravity’s laws.

Now, take it from me, one both sprightly and bold,
Whose wisdom’s been fossilized tenfold in old.
I’ve seen many decades (or at least one or two),
Since the Battle of Elbow and the Siege of the Flu.

But mark me! The key to a jubilant senility
Is not to indulge in sour hostility!
No, gird up your loins with spiritual cement,
And dwell not on knees that are crooked or bent.

Let not your mouth drip with complications,
Nor your soul be wracked with examinations.
For God, in His omni-competent clarity,
Expects us to serve with the utmost hilarity.

Remember, dear friends, as your muscles grow lax,
That faith is not measured in jumpings or jacks.
He sees past your ailments and daily combustion,
And judges instead your heart’s full obtrusion.

So pray every morn, with delectable grace,
Let your eyes not look back, but stay front in the face!
Don’t reminisce on what once you could do,
Rejoice in the present—you still have a clue!

Regardless, take heed of this ancestral decree:
Be joyful, be grateful, and let life be free!
Now go, fellow citizens! Frolic and strut—
And may your hearts never calcify in your rut!

Thus ends my oration of wise preparation,
Composed in the throes of sheer assassination.